The Diary of a Queen
by Lucy Aurora
Summary: The journal of a young actress in the cast of the new grand world tour of "Cats", who records her entire experience with the show starting from the first day of rehearsal to the very last day of its ending...
1. The Diary of a Queen

**The Diary of a Queen**

**Author**: Sissi Pearl

**Summary**: A young college actress records her entire experience with the new world tour of Cats in a journal. Alongside of being in a magnificent show, working with great people, and see different parts of the road, there are much more involved. Through subjective and colloquial words, love, friendship, disappointments, and obstacles are revealed, along with more or less, feelings of fear and pain…

**Disclaimer**: Although this is a purely fictional story, choreographer Gillian Lynn, original director Trevor Nunn, and designer John Napier do appear often and play important roles as people involved with the show in the story. Andrew Lloyd Webber also occasionally makes an appearance. The rest of the characters, along w/ names and backgrounds, are created by me. I do not own anything from the musical "_Cats_", nor do I own "Gill" and "Trevor" or "Andrew" as they appear throughout the story!

**Forward: The Diary of a Queen**

Ruth got me this journal as a congratulation present before I left for NYC, and I promised that I would write down everything from beginning to end. I decided to call this "The Diary of a Queen", for, unlike Anne Frank, I am not a "young girl", but a "queen", as what I will be for at least a year! This is a yearbook of my one-year off from college to be with the new world tour of "_Cats_", playing one of the biggest all-time dream roles of my life and getting a chance to travel around and see the world. I don't have to mention my excitements, and I don't think I need to mention how much all this means to me either. But I already know, that perhaps, 10 years from now, when I open up this book again and flip through the pages, what's written down in here would be something that I'd love to live through again…

Melissa Hamden


	2. May 15th, 2005

**May 15th, 2005, NYC: The First Day!**

I can't say enough of how nervous and excited I was when I first set foot into that studio. I decided to walk from my apartment this morning, just so I could see more of Broadway and walk through the streets to satisfy my eyes. The city of course looked the same with yesterday when I first arrived, but I still felt there's still much more that I just want to look at. When I arrived at the studio, it was around 7:45, and I was 15 minutes early. The moment Gill saw me she greeted me with great joy and gave me a big warm, welcoming hug. Trevor also shook hands with me, and I was immediately introduced to a handsome young man on the side who was stretching on a barre dressed in a casual black T-shirt, sports pants, and black jazz slippers. He introduced himself as Darren Richards, and he's a professional ballet dancer who will be playing my favorite male character out of the entire show: Mistoffelees.

The two of us told each other a little about ourselves before the others arrived. As I studied him closely, I noticed that he's probably at least 2 inches shorter than me, and he weighs probably no more than 110 Lbs. He is actually very, very cute looking, with probably the most perfect figure a guy can have, and a face that looks just as young as he really is. He's only 23, and is already one of the principal dancers at the American Ballet Company. Just then, we looked to the door and saw two girls walking into the studio carrying bags that were even bigger than mine, both dressed in big loose sweat shirts over what I imagined would be leotards underneath, casual dancing shorts, black tights, and sneakers, and the shorter, younger girl also wore black leg warmers. He he, I do love leg warmers! They introduced themselves as Jessica and Cecilia, a.k.a. Victoria and Cassandra. Jessica is a very small thing about 5'3'' and looks almost like she's only 14. And when they heard that I'm Bombalurina, I swear, their eyes grew bigger than grapefruits. Yes, I know that the hardest thing to do since two months ago was convincing people that I am Bombalurina.

Which reminds me, that how it never got me what was going on in Gill's head when she picked me out of how many older, more experienced actresses to play the biggest female lead in such an important show, in this tour that means the world to RUG. Me being the youngest Bombalurina in history, and the first to play the role without any previous experience with the show. And through talking with Gill, I discovered that Jessica (the only person from the entire cast that's younger than me), who's a 19-year-old ballerina currently enrolled at Julliard, is the only one in this cast with a big role other than me who's never done the show before. All the other leads have been in it at some point in their lives. Cecilia had played Cassandra and was Dance Captain once in an UK tour, and Darren had played Mistoffelees on Broadway. Well, soon they got over my age joke, after I assured them over and over and even offered to show my ID to prove that I wasn't lying, and the four of us sat down in a circle on the floor with Gill and Trevor and chatted. I told them how I've decided to leave George Washington for a year in order to be in this show, and they told me about their schools, work experiences, stuff related to _Cats_, and so on. We talked a great deal about the upcoming big tour and the show in general, of course, and soon after more and more people started to arrive, and we had to all stand up to greet them and end our small conversation.

I got to meet our "cool" Rum Tum Tugger at last, a tall, and indeed very "cool" looking guy by the name of Shonn Anderson, who likes to be called Shonn. Well, he seems so the Tugger type to me! Jessica and Cecilia seemed very interested in him, and he seems is already good friends with Steve McKinley (Munkustrap). Everybody is already so friendly, and I was surprised to discover the big diversity in the group in no time. Shonn I could tell is from England due to the accent, and Steve is from Texas. Other than those of us who are all from different parts of the continental U. S., we have Jessica from Ireland, Pia from Hawaii, Ann from Mexico, Lea and Damien from Canada, and Cecilia from France. Kelli, our Grizabella, looks rather young for the role, and I honestly don't think she's that much older than Shonn. She's probably 30 to say the most. We talked together for a long time, just to get to know each other of course. Everybody shared his or her _Cats_ experiences and stuff, making Jessica and I feel a bit left out. And I could tell from the looks on the faces of the other young actors who have relatively small roles that they were envious of our luck, landing leads with no more previous experiences than them. But we all like each other already, and I've noticed, that Jessica seemed couldn't stop stealing looks at Darren!

Gill got us all to sit on the floor in a big circle, and it started with Trevor making a speech. We started by introducing ourselves by saying our names and the role we play and what shows we've been in before and what schools we went to or are going to and so on. And darn, so many people from all these famous places! Julliard, American Ballet Academy, London Royal Ballet, so on… I could feel my face burn when I could only name high school and college shows that I've been in. Being one of the youngest and newest, I can't say I didn't feel a bit out of place.

We didn't do any real work today, except Trevor talked to us a great deal about our upcoming project, things that we'll be doing, the countries and cities that we'll be going to, and of course, expectations, as usual. He told us that Andrew would be with us the entire time when we're in Europe, and he will follow us as much as possible, but Gill will be with us everywhere for the whole year. After a few jokes, Gill got us to play games that are helpful to the show. She got us to all be cats, not the ones in the show, but real life cats, so we can all get the feelings in us started and get us into the mood. And I think we could all expect what would be coming. We, in no time, were down on all fours. Conny got onto the window, leaned herself against the glass, and started chasing a small bug that was flying up and down. Cecilia was arching her back and hissing at everyone. Jessica had her leg over her head in her "grooming", and Darren went around and started rubbing against everybody and purring as loud as he could make. Steve and Pia got into a serious paw fight where it got to the point of them being separated by Gill, and Damien came up to me and started batting at my head, which I happily returned and had a good time meowing.

Before we left for lunch, Gill announced that from now on, and everyday starting tomorrow in our 6 weeks of rehearsal, everyday will begin at 8. Starting with warm-ups and Gill's choreography and dance training, and when we're all worked up, we'll be going over the scenes one by one and work on our singing with Trevor, and work up our acting with run-throughs and stuff in the afternoon. The day would end at 6:30, and the nights are ours. Since all of us know the show pretty much from front to back, and a few of the people who've never done it before actually know quite a lot of the routines already (like in my case, he he!), it would make things quite easy. Gill basically wouldn't even have to teach me the "Macavity" routine, all she'll need to do is correct and perfect my movements and get me into the right spots on the real stage. For that, I'm rather proud of myself! 

Well, Darren, Jessica, Cecilia, and me decided to get Italian for lunch. Gill directed us to a nice little Italian restaurant just a block from the studio, and she was right about it being a great place. We got a table next to a nice water fountain in the center, and eating while listening to the water is something that I can never get enough in my life! We ordered quite a few garlic breads, a ton of spaghetti, and had great conversations while our mouths were stuffed with food. It didn't take long for us to become friends. We've learned much about each other's backgrounds, and we've shared so much about her lives that we all thought we had talked too much.

"So, tell me, Melissa, how did you get to be with us?" Cecilia asked me.

"Well, um," I said, almost blushing. "Actually, I kinda think it was more of my luck. Gill happened to be visiting GW, and I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Our musical group was doing some preparations for the upcoming Spring Stage Festival, and we were all getting show tunes together and stuff, and me and a friend of mine decided to do 'Macavity'. Gill just happened to walk by the studio when she heard the music, and of course, she had to stop and go take a look. It was just then when I was shaking my hips and doing Bombalurina's solo when she peeked her head in the door, and then, bang, after a couple of weeks, I'm here!"

Everybody laughed at our audition stories, especially mine. We each shared so many things regarding shows and our performing experiences, and had a heck of a good time laughing. Darren was very enthusiastic, and the entire time when he was talking, I couldn't help noticing Jessica. She seemed couldn't keep her eyes off of Darren now! Well, I have to admit, I'd be lying if I say that I don't feel somewhat attracted to Darren. I guess I have to make an excuse for myself saying that I just can't help it. Later, when we finished our chilling and chitchatting, lunch was also over. We went back to the studio and Gill did some little things, such as talking to us about the positions on stage and possible changes in certain places of the choreography. The day finished rather early, with everyone saying good-byes to each other, but Darren, Jessica, Cecilia, and I decided to hang out together for the night. I suggested going out for fast food to make it simple. Shonn, Steve, and Pia asked to join us, and of course, they were more than welcome. We ended up going to Arby's and took over 2 tables outside. There were people walking by us and, seeing us in our dance clothes, asking if we were NYC dancers having dinner from practice. Of course, we were proud to tell them that were members in the cast of the upcoming world tour of _Cats_, and many looked very impressed, and some asked us what parts we play and many wished us good luck. Wee, good start!

We didn't do much in the evening other than roaming around the streets and looking at stores here and there. Out of all of us, only Darren and Jessica have really been in NYC, and they somehow acted as tour guides. We passed by several really fancy places, and limousines were also everywhere. Broadway certainly looks prettier at night than during the day. I almost liked everything I saw! We didn't say good night until after 9, and Shonn offered to walk me to my apartment due to the fact that it was NYC and it was dark, and I was a young girl alone.

Well, on the way, the two of us talked a great deal, and got to know each other a lot more. I found out that Shonn was born and raised in London, and was a graduate from the University of London with a bachelor's degree in musical theater and also concentrating greatly on music and dancing. He told me more about his experiences with _Cats _on West End and touring w/ the UK tour, and how much he enjoyed doing this show. Other than _Cats_, he had also been in other big shows like _Les Misérables, The Phantom of the Opera,_ _Miss Saigon_, and _Mamma Mia_, both on West End and on tours. I got rather envious of him having been in so many shows, when he was only 26. I told him about my first 2 years of college at GW, my double major in Forensic Science and Theatre, and we also discussed a bit about our families and stuff. Basically, our conversation was very much like the one between Darren Jessica, Cecilia, and me. Well, we got to my place no problem, and I thanked Shonn and the two of us said good night. Well, I have to admit, probably I'm already liking this guy… probably even more than Darren now…

Shonn is a very interesting person, too. He is very good-looking, but he doesn't really have the cute-ness and the sweet shyness that Darren possesses. Rather, what he has is more like a sense of confidence, maturity, and masculinity, and I think he certainly knows very well how to behave in front of girls. And well, doesn't mean he's too serious though. So far, I've found him very witty, and he had made me laugh several times already in one day. Well, certainly the two of us got to know each other quick, and I think we've already become friends, like me with Darren, Jessica, and Cecilia. Well, I guess when it comes to new friends, I certainly do have some luck!

And so, my first day is over. Big day, too! And wow, this is turning into one long entry. The real work hasn't even started, and already I have so much to say. Anyway, today was pretty exciting, and I'm feeling tired now. I'm really enjoying myself already, and according to Gill, the real work starts tomorrow morning, and I'm really, really looking forward to it and at the same time, feeling pretty nervous about it. I still can't believe it, I'm actually gonna start the working for _Cats_! I'm actually really gonna be in it! I'm so happy that I get to have this chance, not only will I get to be in the best show, but also get to see the world and get to know such great people! I am tired, but I'm actually too excited to sleep.

Anyway, I have to say good night now!

Mel


	3. May 16th, 2005

**May 16th, 2005: The work begins**

I woke up on time, fortunately. But I have to say, when I got out of bed, I was a little sluggish. I was more tired than I thought from last night…

So, jumped into the shower, came out and did my hair, and changed into my dancing clothes fast. It was a fresh morning, not too warm, not too cold. I decided to jog to the studio to wake myself up, and that actually felt good! I was totally awake when I walked in, and I was surprised to see that I was the first one there other than Gill.

She asked me how I slept last night, and of course we sort of discussed about our agenda for the day and so on. Darren walked in as we were talking, wearing the same thing that he wore yesterday. Pia and Steve also arrived, laughing as they entered. I was happy to see Jessica when she came in, but my mouth was wide open when she took off her sweat shirt. God, I swear! If she has 90 lb. of flesh on her I'd call it good! I asked her, and she admitted of having had eating disorder before her audition to Julliard, and all the dancing she does while in Julliard and the constant pressure of dieting doesn't allow her to gain the lost weight back. I joked with her saying that I could probably fit her inside me and still not get fat.

So, at last, the entire cast has arrived. Gill talked to us briefly about the choreography and possible changes in certain areas, and announced that we were beginning. We started off with some stretching on the barres and some simple warm ups, and then Gill briefly introduced some of the movements that she wanted us to get down today. Of course, we would start off with the 1st scene, and good thing that the studio was big enough to fit probably 50 people. Gill put us into spots and moved us here and there, and Pia, of course, was going to be the first on stage. One by one Gill showed us our movements as we made our entrances, and the very beginning really wasn't hard, for all of us got what to do right away. But when we started our first group dancing after we've all said our first lines, it got a bit messy. That was when Gill had to speak louder and demonstrate to each one of us more. Well, of course, those who've been in the show before made it much easier for Gill, and good thing she's a woman with more than enough patience. She told us to not to worry about the singing at the moment, but perfect the movements first. Trevor, on the side, said that none of us would have a problem with the singing, and almost all of us pretty much know the score word by word anyway. For that, I felt very fortunate.

And when it got to the pyramid routine, it really got a bit messy. The "pyramid" was composed of bleachers which were apparently put together in a haste, and as Gill called for us to go on there, half of us were shaking and falling if not all. Well, we had a good time giggling, but that kind of got Gill irritated because we couldn't even stand still on those cheap bleachers. Finally we got the pyramid down, and following the music, did our lip syncs and continued our concentration on the routine. Oh, gosh, I was really having a good time, although after a few times of reorganizing and re-running, I was already sweating from my head to my feet. The dancing, indeed, was much more tiring than what it always looked, and I was still trying to convince myself that I was actually doing it myself, not merely watching from a distance! As I danced with the others, I could just feel my heart thumping with joy, and it wasn't hard at all for me to forget about everything while I stretched out my limbs with those great moves. I could hear the music and feel my body moving along with it, and that was all I cared!

The next routine is a rather long one, and we had to follow closely to the beats and hit our spots quick one group after another. Finally we were able to keep track of our places, and sooner than I had expected, we got down the entire "Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats" routine. After some perfection were made, it was also almost lunch time. Wow, time sure passes by so fast when you're busy! I felt I haven't been this involved in something in years! And I just can't say enough good things about everybody's dancing! Each person has his or her unique style, and each one of them is worth praising. Jessica is soft and gentle, Darren is puerile yet steady and graceful, Caroline is perky and energetic (she really is everything Rumpelteazer), Pia is so passionate and regal, Rebecca is so elegant with very adolescent moves, Steve very virile, strong, and angular, Cecilia so spaghetti supple and slinky, Julie so sweet and mother-like, Tom funny and almost clownish, and Shonn moves sexy and electrifying. As for me? I don't know. I'm very… Melissa! Gill herself is such an incredible dancer, and she moves with great agility and liveliness despite of her age. And the way she instructs and choreographs really made me more than impressed!

Ok, we were all worn out, and it was lunch time. All of us laughed and started chatting about how exciting this is getting already, and we each complimented about each other's dancing. Jessica, Cecilia, Darren, Pia, Steve, Shonn, and I all decided to go out for tacos, and of course, good Mexican restaurants are not hard to find. I was more than happy to get out of my soaked jazz shoes and put on sandals, and Trevor announced that after lunch, we'll do some singing and staging, and we'll also be measured for costumes before the day ends. Woo, I'm excited!

Well, lunch was cool. We talked a lot about the show, a lot about the dancing, and a lot about our characters. Shonn was very active, and Steve and Pia looked closer than they were yesterday. Jessica, as usual, was rather quiet, while Cecilia found it hard to close her lips. We were much amused by her comments, as usual, and lunch went by rather fast. When we returned to the studio after lunch, we were introduced to our set and costume designer, the famous John Napier, whom many have already met, and some many times. He showed us sketches of the costumes, the basic set designs, and had brought assistants to measure us and so on. He he, already I can't wait to see my beautiful costume!

After that, Trevor gathered us together and we went over the songs. It was quite fun to sing them all together and hear each other. Everybody is a good singer, and we enjoyed every bit that we sang. After that, we went back to Gill and worked on "Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats" again, and were pretty much good with the part before the pyramid. All of us can basically somehow run down with the routine, and Gill just told us that we'll have a plenty of time to work on it, and that we were doing good so far on the 1st day, and we've gotten as much done as she had expected.

Well, I was pretty much danced out. Gill kept saying that my move in "were you Whittington's friend" wasn't "sexy" enough, and I ended up going over it probably 10 times until Gill was finally satisfied. Gee, everything has to be so perfect to the last bit to Gill! And then she wasn't too happy with Darren's jump in "the Pied Piper's assistant", saying that he needs to appear on stage the second I make my pose at the end of my line instead of waiting until starting his line. Well, guess the two of us became the torture victims of the day…

So, at last, 6:30 has come, and though we weren't all that excited about leaving, we were all too tired to want to do much more. Yeah, I can tell that we've all had a great day, and I invited our wonderful gang of 6 to my apartment to have a small hang-out. We went to a video store and rented _Cats_, which each of has seen no less than 30 times, and when we got to my apartment we ordered pizza. We chatted and socialized until almost 11, and Jessica asked if she could stay over night because her roommate was out and she was afraid to stay in her apartment alone. Of course I was more than happy to agree. Shonn was the last one to walk out, and before he left I allowed him to give me a hug good night!

And you know what's funny? Just as I was writing this entry, Jessica, very timidly and shyly, confessed that she's sort of having a thing for Darren. Aw, isn't that sweet? I just hugged her and said it's more than ok to do so, for I can't deny that I'm also sort of having something… maybe… for Shonn, and I really like Darren, too, though of course, I didn't tell her that. Oh, sweet little Jessica… she's only a year younger than me, but I truly feel that I can be her big sister. I know that since she entered Julliard, she's always been alone in NY, and she doesn't get to go home very often because her family is in Oregon. She told me that she doesn't really have many people whom she can be close to around her, and that her roommate often likes to leave her behind. Aww, I feel so bad for her. I just took out my extra blanket and told her that she can sleep on my bed, though she warned me about her tending to toss and turn. I just said that I do the same thing. Also, I'm very happy that I've already become her trusting friend!

Anyway, it's late, and we're all falling asleep. The 1st day was so much fun, and I'm hoping that everyday will be so! Tomorrow, probably much work will be coming up!

Mel


	4. May 19th, 2005

**May 19th, 2005: Deep into the work**

Yes, it's Friday, and everybody's looking forward to the weekend off. We're now deep into the routine. Everyday we've been training and dancing almost non-stop, and Gill is getting stricter and stricter about the perfection. We've already gotten the "Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats" and "The naming of cats" down pretty well, and Jessica has been painfully keeping up with her solo at the beginning of "The invitation to the Jellicle Ball". Everyday she's been complaining about soreness in her legs and lower back, for Gill has really worked her up with her routine. And oh, dear Jessica… every time when it's Darren's turn to come out and join her in the small dance at the invitation, she just can't help cringing and shaking when he run his hands down her. And well, Gill, being the perfectionist she is, never gets satisfied with doing a routine only once. Oh, poor thing… Although Gill kept telling her that it's just an act, part of the dance, not real, etc. But everyday at the end she was always like "oh God, he has to put his hands on me and run them down me like that…" I had a good time teasing her about being so prissy. But oh well, despite little things, we're only loving what we're doing more and more, and everything we're doing, we're doing together!

Finally, today we get to do the exciting tap sequence of "The old Gumbie Cat". Unfortunately, Shonn had to be out of this scene, so Trevor took him to another room to work on some singing and other stuff. And sadly, this is also the end of Kelli dancing with us. Aww! But it's still good to have Kelli sitting by watching and encouraging, and we also can't wait for her to be on stage doing Grizabella's part. Well, Julie has been so excited about her big number, and well, after some simple staging and voice practicing, it was finally jazz shoes time, which unfortunately excluded me, Pia, Steve, and Ann. We get to tap without tap shoes! Many of the dancers in the cast owned jazz shoes, and since I happened to have brought my pair along, I lent them to Cecilia. Well, I have to say that it's a bit… funny to watch poor Jessica, a ballerina who's never even put on a pair of jazz shoes in their entire life, going helpless so quickly. Her jazz shoes were taken care of by Gill, and poor Jessica probably did more in complaining about the weight and the noises of her shoes than tapping the whole time. I kept telling her that these were much more comfortable to wear than pointe shoes, but she still seemed to be unable to walk without looking at the bottoms of her shoes every five steps.

Well, apparently Julie was the happiest when her big tap number finally came up. It wasn't that hard for Pia, Ann, and I to pull our little dance at the beginning together, and the three of us had great fun doing our little part. And well, guess Julie didn't mind when Gill was forced to give extensive tap training to those who have never had a day of tap lessons in their lives. Those of us who grew up with tap being a part of our lives were more than happy to help in the instruction, and I had to step on Jessica's feet at times to stop her from pointing them at the wrong time. So, the first couple of hours into this sequence were completely dedicated to tap lessons. And of course, being the perfectionist she is, Gill wouldn't just allow us to get by with a mere "ok, I know how to tap now, let's move on"…

Finally, we were able to do some tapping together as a group, and could actually start working a little on the big beetle's tattoo tap routine. Pia, Ann, Steve, and I had fun tapping in our soft-shoes, whereas the noises behind us kind of made our ears ring. But Julie was having such a good time that her feet wouldn't stop when everybody did. And the best part came when Gill called for a run through up to the tap sequence, just when Steve was finishing his last "and that's what makes a Gumbie cat", when Jennyanydots was supposed to slide underneath his legs. Apparently Julie got way over excited, and she made the biggest slide across the newly waxed floor from the back, and knocked the totally unprepared Steve head back over and landed hard on his bum, and Julie herself kept sliding ahead while screaming until eventually crashing into the wall. Well, guess that really caused a great uproar. We didn't know whom to laugh at first, Julie or Steve. Gill and Tom helped the two up, one rubbing his behind and the other rubbing her head and hands. And yeah, I guess that kinda taught the two a good lesson… lol!

Anyway, that was enough before lunch. The poor new tap dancers were totally worn out, and Jessica just sat on the floor not wanting to get up. She was more than happy to take off her tap shoes, and I had to pull her up from the floor and drag her out of the studio. Finally, I lured her out with my repetition of burritos, and our group again went to the Mexican restaurant that we went to the other day. Jessica ate faster than usual today. Poor dear, she must be starving! Then she ran to the bathroom at least 4 times, and I joked with her, saying that tap dancing is giving her diarrhea. Well, we finished lunch earlier than usual, and Jessica asked if she could talk to me in private. So the two of us excused ourselves and took a walk to the nearby park. Poor thing, after a long while of hesitation, asked if she could move in with me, because her roommate's got a new boyfriend and she feels she can't stand them anymore. They wouldn't allow her to switch rooms until she gets back from the tour, and she thought about asking Gill to help her with an apartment, but she is scared to be alone. Well, I hugged her and told her that of course she's welcome to move in any moment. And then we walked a little longer, mostly about little things. She finally told me, that she's really starting to fall for Darren, that she can't stop thinking about him now. Yet she doesn't know how to get him to pay attention to her more than he does now. To tell the truth, if I say that I haven't felt anything for Darren, I'd be a big fat liar. But I'd think that Jessica is more suitable for Darren than me. And also, Shonn, I can feel, is now trying to get closer and closer, and I'm also beginning to feel that it's getting harder and harder for me to stay far away. Gee, what a good match we got now: Tugger and Bombalurina, and Munkustrap and Demeter. Would Mistoffelees really go for Victoria someday? I'm greatly hoping so. Darren is such a great person, so talented, so sweet, and so good-looking. Jessica needs a guy like him.

After lunch, we did some more Gumbie Cat dancing. Gill repeated for the 20th time that "we are going to be performing this phenomenal show for people all over the world and that we must bring a good impression of Cats for people from places that have never seen it." Well, not like any of us ever gets tired of listening to her anyway. We loving hearing her talk her thick British accent and address us as her "darlings" and her "sweets". And then we worked some more on the blocking and singing stuff with Trevor, and later John did some more explanations on the staging and gave us an update on our costumes. He had brought our head makeup artist, Elaine Dawning, whom he introduced as "someone still rather new to the job but has already made good accomplishments in her newly started career". She is indeed very young, in her mid 20's the most. After that, we returned to the training with Gill, and finally, everyone's gotten a good grip on the tapping. We went on with the Gumbie Cat routine, and were able to at least somewhat slip through it. Gill did some further instructions on the choreography and made another little speech before we were dismissed. And for some reason, I felt more tired today than the last few days.

Well, I have to say, my body was more than relieved when I walked out of that studio. Gee, regardless of how much I'm enjoying this, it's still tiring me out more than anything has ever in my life. Our group decided to go have some partying after dinner to celebrate our accomplishments so far, and Rebecca asked to come with us. We had dinner at Taco Bell's, and again, Jessica ran to the bathroom probably twice before we left the restaurant. Gee, poor girl, maybe Gill shouldn't have made her tap so much…

Well, despite being so tired, we were all still very in the mood. To celebrate a Friday night, we went to a very well known club called "The Nightly Cools" and yeah, joined the fun right away. Though I've been to a club probably only once in my life, I found it easy to blend in and enjoy myself. It was a huge place, with a lot of lights, a lot of tables and chairs, and huge dance floors. People in there were nice and fun to hang around, and the dance floor was filled with happy folks shaking and singing along with the loud music. Jessica did not seem to be enjoying this much, and hoping to cheer her up, I asked Darren to take her for a dance. Darren at first was hesitant, but eventually gave in. I watched them from afar, having a nice glass of strawberry shake and chatting with Shonn and a few other guys at the same time. Darren didn't seem too comfortable with Jessica, and Jessica was way too shy, too. She wouldn't even look Darren in the eye while they danced! And I could tell that Darren was much better at hip-hop dancing than she was. Oh well, I think they both tried. I don't now. Darren doesn't seem to be getting the picture at all, and Jessica seems is unable to do anything to make him take a hint.

Well, I'll leave Darren and Jessica for a while. What else happened tonight? Yeah, the club was quite fun. We met some really interesting people, who were impressed by us being in _Cats_ and asked us a lot about it. Shonn and I had a great time showing off with a period of salsa, and Cecilia was dancing with one guy after another non-stop, totally flaunting her high-tech booty-shakes and leg-twists, and seemed to be more than enjoying being in the center of attention. Steve and Pia danced on the side, and the two seemed to be more quite as far as conversation with strangers. Also, of course, it didn't take long for Darren and Jessica to both "escape" toward us.

Well, due to Jessica's plea, we walked out of the club earlier than we had expected. Shonn again volunteered to walk us home, and I could not refuse. On the way, we discussed about our day and our progress so far, and Jessica complained about stomachaches from all that shakings and stuff. Shonn told me that he is very excited about his big number coming up, and Jessica is excited about the costumes. Of course, we joked about the tapping all the way to my apartment. Shonn carried Jessica's big bag for her, for it was heavy with all her things like PJs and toothbrush which she had brought along, like the last time, hoping I'd agree to let her stay at least for the night. Well, the poor tired little thing. And yes, Shonn really has a big heart!

Shonn seemed unwilling to say good night, and I again allowed myself to be given a hug. Jessica dug out some left over blueberry pie from my refrigerator and gulped it down as a night snack, and went to the bathroom again as I sat down with my dairy. Gee, I'm worried about that girl's fragile stomach now.

Well, and as I was writing, Jessica and I were sort of chatting at the same time, with the TV on showing some useless commercials. To tell the truth, I really think that Jessica is mystifying me more and more as I'm getting to know her more and more. She seems to be filled with secrets that only she herself knows that she even possesses them, and now, what she says sometimes puzzles me. But it's a joy talking to her. In so many ways, she's just a little girl.

"So, in all honesty, how do you like what we're doing so far?" I asked her.

"Having the time of my life," she replied, smiling. "When I first tried out, I never expected to have this much fun with so many great people."

"Yeah, I think we are a very special group," I said with a giggle. "So, I know that you're a dancer, but why don't you do more things with theatre, too?"

"Too much dancing, too little time," she said.

"I don't think I've asked you this yet, but what was the real reason why you tried out for _Cats_?" I asked.

I could notice her expressions change.

"Well," she kind of swallowed. "I admit that I do want to be an actress as much as a ballerina. But ballet has to be my priority, because that was my mother's dream."

"Your mother?" I asked.

She nodded, suddenly looking sad. "Yes, my mother. Before she died, she had me promise her that no matter what, I would try my hardest to become a prima ballerina, and nothing should ever stand in my way. I promised her right before she closed her eyes, and now I can never break it."

"Your mother died?" I nearly jumped.

She nodded. I could notice her holding back tears. "Yes, when I was 16. And that was when I resolved to do everything to get into Julliard. By then, I've already been dancing for 13 years, and was already well known by people around me as a ballet dancer. Only, nobody really knew how much I loved theatre, too. Due to dancing, I've never really had the time to participate in any drama activities in school, and after my mother died, I just totally decided to forget everything else and concentrate on ballet alone, and I just had to reach the ballet dream."

I had to go over and give her a hug.

"I never expected that you'd be motherless at such a young age," I said, "I'm so sorry. Is your father still around?"

She nodded and sniffled a little. "Yeah, my father's been trying his best to give out two parents' love in one person, and feels bad that he can't. Sending me to Julliard was something that he could do the most to help me in life, despite it almost draining all his money. And now I can't be with him, he feels worse because he thinks he can't be there for me when I need him. It was he who encouraged me to audition for _Cats_ actually, and he seemed to be even happier than I was when he found out that I got a good role, and a good dancing role, too, because now I can do both theatre and dancing in one. I think he knows well how much I love musical theatre. But I have to say, he's more worried than ever now because soon, I'm gonna be out of the country all on my own and he won't see me for a year."

"He sounds like a very caring father," I said.

Jessica smiled. "Well, he is. That's why my mother's death did not cause too many breakdowns in me. At least I still have my father who loves me. But now, though I know that he's still in my life, he cannot be near me. And without the only person that truly cares for me in my life, for the first time, I really feel lonely."

"I think I know what you mean," I said. "I miss my parents, too, who are in California. Washington D. C. is too far for me to just go home any time I want, and soon, I'll be even further. Although my parents weren't that hot about me going all over the places with a world tour, they knew how much something like this would mean to me. They were supportive in every way, and did not object much to me deferring my junior year in college and graduate a year later than I should. They've always known that if I had the choice, I would have a career in theatre rather than forensics, and of course, my obsession with musical theatre all through high school was too obvious to hide anything from my parents. Now that I'm old enough to be on my own, they're willing to let me do what I want. But well, not like I wouldn't do _Cats_ if my parents said no, but I still want to listen to them. My parents have always been like my friends."

"You have many friends in college?" Jessica asked.

"Not that many, but enough, I guess," I said, "I'm also still in touch with my friends from high school."

"Oh," Jessica sighed.

"Why, what is it?" I asked.

"I'm envious of you sometimes," she said, sounding like she wants to cry. "People like you are always so easily liked everywhere you go, and so easy to fit in and make friends right away. Just look at you now. It seems as if the moment you start talking, the entire group likes you right away."

"Well, actually, I don't know about that," I said, "I don't always fit in right away everywhere I go, and I don't just make friends with everyone, and not everybody always wants to be friends with me."

But of course, I immediately knew what she meant. She doesn't have many friends, and that is what she needs the most in her life. Any outgoing person would seem lucky to her. She's really too shy, too innocent, and too naïve.

"I'm sure people like you, too, Jessica. Maybe you just don't know it," I said, trying to sound as gentle as possible. "I mean, don't you think that we all like you very much, and that you're fitting in with us fine right now?"

"If I haven't met you, things probably would not have been this well this soon," Jessica mumbled and fiddled with her pillow.

I really didn't know what to say to her.

"But hey, Darren asked you to dance, didn't he? And you two seemed to have had much fun!" I said, trying to cheer her up.

"Well, sort of. But he didn't seem that comfortable," she said. "And please, don't make me go to a place like that again. I don't like loud noises and big groups of people. I'd rather be some place where it's quiet and peaceful."

"All right, if you want, of course," I said.

"You know," she said, "I haven't had people who are so close to me for a long time."

"What?" I asked.

"I've never had people who are so close to me and care about me so much since I left home. It feels… so weird now," she raised her head to look at me. I noticed that her eyelashes were already wet.

I again hugged her and this time, held her in my arms for a while. Holding her felt like holding a 10-year-old. Gosh, poor thing, I feel so bad for her. She really needs more people to love her and be with her.

"Hey, you know what? It's late now," I patted her back. "We both need some good rest. Tomorrow's gonna be another big day."

"Yeah, I really am tired," she smiled and wiped her eyes. I let her go to my bathroom to wash up while I finished writing.

And there, another day's over. Dancing all day long, and then clubbing all night. Geez, talk about worn out! But well, my first week with _Cats_ has come to an end, and I'm looking forward to a new week! By the way, next Friday I'm getting my first paycheck, woo hoo! And well, I think I have plans for this weekend, and yeah, tomorrow I better call Mom and Dad. And what am I gonna do tomorrow? Go to a salon, go to the mall, or see a Broadway show? Well, anyway, enough said now. What a crazy week, but what a fun week! And I've again written a little too much. Gee, so tired. Maybe I should save my strength a little from now on and only write a page a day.

Mel


	5. May 21st, 2005

**May 21, 2005: A weekend off**

The weekend passed by in a flash. I don't even know what I did. Um, yes, actually I do. I did a lot of stuff, too! Saturday Jessica and I slept till 11, and then the two of us went to her place to pick up her stuff. Jessica's room was a rather pretty one, and lucky that we found her roommate not home. There really wasn't too much to pack, for I was surprised at how little things Jessica had. And plus Jessica's neatness, it took us about 30 minutes to get everything together into her 2 big suitcases. She would take care of the checking out stuff later, and I called a taxi to take us back to my place. I also tipped the driver to help us bring the luggage up, and after dropping off everything, I dragged Jessica to Broadway into a beauty salon with me, where I paid for her hair due and manicure along with my own with nearly half of my per diem. I told her that we'd go out and have some fun to pass the weekend. After that, we got together with Cecilia, Darren, Steve, Pia, and Shonn, and we got ourselves tickets to see "_Wicked_" for next Sunday, and then for the whole afternoon our group just roamed about. We stopped by several stores and Cecilia, Pia, and I spent some money on clothes, and we also looked around a couple of dance supply stores, where I bought a pair of new white leg warmers. After we got bored of the outside, we stopped by my apartment to pick up some stuff, and then we went to Cecilia's place, where we just hung out, talked, and shared funny stories. Shamelessly, Cecilia and I showed the group pictures of our cat fan costumes that we made when we were young and our fan fics that we wrote in high school. I was more than happy to send my photo album around that was filled with me in my home made musical costumes, which I always believed I did a good job on. I showed them the numerous pictures of my Victoria, Jemima, and Bombalurina costumes, along with makeup, and more pictures of my Pearl and Dinah costumes for _Starlight Express_ fan meets. They laughed and complimented on my sewing skills, and even teased that I can probably help out a great deal with the costume and makeup department when it's time for us to dress up for the show. Jessica said that my Eponine costume for _Les Misérables _was perfect, and I promised to make her a set someday. The other costumes they weren't too crazy about, but they adored my vampire and witch costumes for Halloween and the outrageous outfit that I wore to see _Rocky Horror Show_. I totally adored Cecilia's Rumpelteazer and Etcetera costumes, and her blue gown for Christine from POTO was totally gorgeous! We had a good laugh and critique session over our fan fics, and discussed quite a bit about all those shows that we all seem to be so obsessed with.

When I got back to the apartment with Jessica, it was again late. The day just passed like that. Before I went to bed, I called home, and ended up talking with Mom and Dad for a whole hour while Jessica lay on the bed reading. Yeah, Mom was very happy that I was having the time of my life, and of course, they asked a ton of questions that I had a hard time keeping up with answering.

So that was Saturday. What about today? Yeah, today was quite exciting, too. I woke up rather early, and went out for a short jog with Jessica. Another warm day, and of course, I quite enjoyed another whole day without dancing clothes. Darren had to go for an emergency rehearsal for an unexpected performance of _Swan Lake _at the ABA for some renowned ballet company directors and choreographers from France tonight, so he couldn't join us for the day. But he got us seats reserved for the show tonight and that we were all very happy about. Gill and Trevor promised to come, too, and whoever from the cast that would be free promised to be there. So, yay!

The day went by pretty normal, and actually, even more fun regarding things that I wanted to do! We went shopping and roamed around Broadway, and I spent quite a few bucks on theatre souvenirs and Broadway show related junk. Now that I finally have the chance, we went into all the theaters where our favorite shows are playing, and I raked in programs, brochures, mugs, magnets, key chains, and even a couple of plush toys, T-shirts, and sweat shirts. We even ran into Idina Menzel coming out of a theater, who happily autographed my _Wicked_ program and had a good conversation with us. We wished each other luck on our upcoming shows, too.

I dropped my bags off at my apartment, and our gang went out to dinner before heading for the ABA. At the entrance of the auditorium, we ran into Gill, Trevor, and Todd. I was rather amused by the size and extravagance of the auditorium, and there seemed to be a couple of thousand people in there already! We didn't have trouble finding our seats, and before the show started, Damien, Jesper, Rebecca, Kelli, and Ethan came in. Jessica was already more than excited!

The moment the music started, I was mesmerized. When Darren came on stage, I almost gasped. Gosh, he was so good! Even better than what I've seen him so far! He was the perfect Siegfried, and I was even somewhat jealous of that Odette on stage, who was also so beautiful and elegant in that white costume with the lovely, fluffy tutu, and her movements so refined and legs so flexible that she made my mouth drop. The other swans were also gorgeous, and I just couldn't help keeping my eyes locked to Darren and that Odette (Ruth de Leone was her name, I think) whenever those two were on stage, and neglect everyone else around them. I also noticed that Jessica was totally captivated. Well, I don't know how many professional ballet productions she's been in, but I could guess that probably she's never been in _Swan Lake_. At the end, I was in tears. The dancers on stage drilled so many emotions into me that I couldn't help feeling that I was completely under their spell.

Well, anyway, the entire performance deserved two thumbs up! The applauds lasted probably 3 minutes after the curtains closed, and we couldn't stop talking about it when we exited the auditorium. We met Darren and that lovely ballerina at the stage door and buried them in praises, and Jessica and I were still talking about it on our way back home.

"Gosh, she was so good," Jessica mumbled while she changed into her PJs.

"Who, Odette?" I asked. "Ruth what's her name?"

"Yeah. She was gorgeous. She's the most beautiful Odette I've seen so far," Jessica said with a sigh.

"You've seen _Swan Lake_ before?" I asked.

"Four times at least," said Jessica, "it's my favorite ballet in the world, and Odette has long been my biggest dream role."

"Well, I'm sure you'll get to play her one day," I said.

"Wasn't Darren awesome?" Jessica said, a little dreamily. "He was even better than I thought! Gosh, I swear, he's probably one of the best ballet dancers I've ever met! Gosh, now the image of him as Siegfried is stuck in my head!"

"Oh, Jesus, tell me about it," I said, "you'd think that his talent was given by the God of ballet himself! What he did can't be described with a simple word like 'good' or even 'great'! I can't even say how much I loved his dancing!"

Jessica nodded and smiled. "I wish I could be up there with him."

I had to chuckle and pat her on the back. "Dearie, remember, dreams do come true. You're already in _Cats_ with him, so I won't bet that you're not gonna be in _Swan Lake _with him someday in your life."

Jessica had to hide her red face while I sat down with my big journal. She again asked me what I'm writing in this, and well, I gave her the usual answer: what interest things that happen during my time with _Cats_. Weird that we seemed to have done so much today, but neither one of us was that tired. We stayed up and chatted, watched TV, and even sort of went over some of the difficult parts of our routines. And yes, I'm all prepared for another day of work and another exciting week!

Mel


End file.
